There's a very real possibility (well, 44%, according to this year's race), that I will achieve a dnf (did not finish) on my next race.
Most likely, this will be due to my error - inadequate training, incorrect kit. It may be due to circumstances beyond me - the weather may force the race to be pulled.
Either way, I'm not sure how a dnf would affect me. So far, I have managed to avoid one - although been very near. I've had a few dns- did not start: - due to circumstances or injury, :somehow, these have felt OK.
The bigger the race, maybe the more likely a dnf will happen.
But, this feels huge. Logic tells me it is only a race, a hobby, irrelevant in the grand scheme of life. I know this. But indulge me slightly. Months of thinking about, preparing, fretting over kit, have contributed to the build up to January. I have decided to attempt this race only once - I cannot imagine attempting this prep again. The race has its own psychologist attached, to offer support to competitors - I am starting to see why.
Coping with a dnf from this - I am already trying to prepare. Not because I am looking to fail, but I need a cushion for the fallout. So, I have been planning races for next year, to keep the running momentum going and become the subsequent focus. Working out how long, realistically, until I may be able to start training again. Hoping that I'll be able to say that I got to day X before X/Y/Z happened. Be able to put it in perspective for what it is - a hard, hard, event that I was lucky to even get a place for, let alone compete in. And believe that this is all part of racing itself.
Another reminder that long distance running so truly reflects reality - sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't : however much effort you put in.
And I certainly hope that nothing, no matter how disappointing, will stop future running and adventure.
